Sea of Faces

Welcome to Traces Space.  I totally stole my title from a song by the band Kutless.  We are so often lost in a sea of faces.  As we walk through life we encounter many faces, many familiar, many that we think are familiar, then the faces that we just don't know.
Faces represent people in general, and who they are or think they are, aspire to be or who they have actually become.  See a face is much more than a part of the body.  Its our first impression, its the readable feature, the one that can identify every thing from shear joy to total disgust.
I have a very readable face, you can pretty much tell what I am thinking by my expression, my eye rolling is apparently legendary, but seriously, I would never make a good liar because as soon as I try to tell a fib, I get really red in the face and kind of start to laugh...I am not good at it.  This face is transparent. 
So lately I have found myself in this sea of faces of folks I thought I knew.  While they look like the same old folks I have always known, there is a change, life takes a toll on the face.  The elements around us cause our physical appearance to become weathered and worn.  Our daily trials and unexpected journeys do something to what was a young and healthy looking face.
Again its not just about appearance.  Webster's dictionary defines the word "face" as a noun and a verb:

• the front part of the head that in humans extends from the forehead to the chin and includes the mouth, nose, cheeks, and eyes
• a front, upper, or outer surface,  a surface specially prepared
• the way something appears when it is first seen or thought about
• to acknowledge; admit
•  to meet courageously; confront

Can you face it?
Actually I can't, and I don't want to!
I have found myself saying that a lot lately, I can't face it and don't want to but have had to.
I look in the mirror everyday and think, my God what has happened to me.  My youth is quickly fading away, and my face is showing every ounce of disappointment, fear, anger, pain, and small amounts of joy I have left.  And by golly as I go out into that endless sea of faces, I see people just like me.
I find no comfort in having to admit that there is something wrong, then having  to face it,,  it takes every courageous bone in my body to confront it.  I am very non confrontational. I hate conflict, except for debates with our daughter Rachael...Its because while those conversations may become heated, they are not intended to be hurtful...We are very mindful of each others stand on the worlds issues...Funny thing is as passionate as we are, we have the same facial expressions when it comes to anger, frustration and even laughter.  But the key word there is being mindful. Even in the heat of the moment we recognize the faces, we have not changed in appearance to each other...My face is one in the same as it has been her whole life.  Unlike other faces we see that we thought would always be familiar.
See some folks disguise themselves well...they seem to have more than one face.  Yes I said it, some people seem to have more than one face...One of truth, and one of well, anything but the truth.  They are constantly trying to be what people desire they be, or try to be something other than what they truly are...And that folks is contrary to what God desires for us.
See if we are truly wearing our own face, being true to who we are, then we are representing and living in the image of God.  We were not created to just be a face in a sea of faces.  We were created to represent truth, love, justice, holiness.  We were not created to become a god, to be an image of Who He IS!
We were created to "face" ourselves, to acknowledge and admit and confront things with courage.  To be able to co-exist in this crazy world full of faces that are unfamiliar, even when we have known that face our whole life.  Even when the face that has changed is our very own.
Psalm 27 tells us to seek His face, His face will not turn from us. 
He wants us to recognize Him, to know who look for.  I have never seen the face of God, but I am sure if I was in His presence I would recognize Him.  He is the one face that never changes, the same yesterday today and tomorrow.
As the song says "He Traded His Life for Mine"...as He did for everyone else.
So don't get lost at sea.
See ya soon...

The Struggles the Same, the Journey is Different

Welcome to Traces Space!  The Struggles the same, the Journey is different.  What on earth could that mean?  A couple of months ago,  I found myself on my knees at the alter praying, praying for my family, my job, just life, and these words kept coming to me not leaving me alone.  Believe what you like but I know that I know that God was revealing something to me in that moment, however I just wasn't getting it.
It seems to me that most of my writings lately have been about journey's, where I am going, where I have been...Who I have been connected to, and who I may be disconnecting myself from.
I believe now that I get, well kind of get what was being revealed, that no matter the struggle, whether it be one from the past or one coming, that the journey for me no longer will be traveled alone.  Even if I try to travel that way, God is not going to allow it.
That's a strong message.  I thought I always did rely on God, but hmmmm....apparently not.  Seems that my inability to find comfort or peace in things have been forced by the reality of just recognizing words for what they are, but I have to find the truth in those words.  What I guess I am saying here is that we can give lip service, say that we truly or fully surrender to God, but in the back of our mind we find ourselves constantly seeking a truth that we have not accepted as truth.  Does this make sense.  We want instant comfort, we want instant peace, and there are times when it does come that way, but some times it doesn't.  In most of life's circumstances , Gods plan for us is to learn something from it...As a good friend use to say to me often, "what is God saying to you"?  Yes I have quoted that before, but there is a whole lot of wisdom in that.
So here is the meat of the message, because I have thought about it a lot the past couple of days, and also have lived it. My struggles are mine, I own them, and what I choose to do with them is totally up to me.  I can dwell on them, or I can deal with them and travel (the key word being travel there) on.  I can fling them in someone else's direction and have a human factor involved in my personal journey totally disregarding the fact that God has reveled He is the one traveling with me.  I can allow the garbage that enters into my mind take up residency and have it control my every thought and every emotion, and allow that to hinder the true purpose that God has for my life.
Let me clarify, not for one moment I do not believe that God desires that I allow the things of my past to control me, I do not believe that His desire for me is for all of my trust issues, all of the anger, my brokenness to define who I am in Him.  Why do I allow the things that He has long since thrown into the sea of forgetfulness to enter into my mind, or worse yet, my heart.
Oh, here we go, right there, I had to confess, that I have the above issues.  Come clean.
He not only knows my name, He knows my heart, the root of every issue that I have.  He knows the triggers, He knows the solution.  He knows that my greatest fear is to end up alone.

But His word is very clear,

Psalm 73:23

²³ Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.

 

and finally,  Psalm 73:26

²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.

 

So even though my struggle does appear to be the same, the Journey is much different.  As He takes us all from Glory to Glory, He reveals more and more of His true nature to us, and more of our own nature in order to give us healing so that we can shine for His glory not our own.

I truly want to be "whole"...And with His help and guidance it will happen....Because the Journey is different, He is with me, always...

See you soon.

 

 

 

 

I am His Princess

Welcome to Traces Space...So today I was enjoying an activity that I was doing at work, and during the activity it calls for us to wave...So for the past few weeks when we have done this I have said, "wave like a princess"...and all the little girls giggle and do the whole royal hand wave thing.  When we were done today,  I innocently said, "do you know that I am a Princess, my Daddy is the King".
Immediately one of the five year olds say's, "Miss Tracy is that true?" and I replied, "absolutely!"
They have no idea and really didn't want any real explanation on what I had just said, and whether or not they really believed me, the conversation kind of ended there, but what really struck me as interesting in this whole conversation, it was really natural for me to proclaim myself as a child of the King.  A princess, a person who is part of a family of royalty, a child of the One True King.
Now to some of you this may seem quite bazaar, and that is okay.  But for me it was like an eye opening experience, that maybe I am now in a place in my life where it is time for me to recognize where it is I truly stand, and Who I am truly standing up for.
See usually when you are part of a royal family, it is your job to represent.  You have a responsibility to do that with class and dignity.  When you blunder not only is it a reflection on you, but also on the ones you represent.  You have to pretty much own everything you say or do.  It is an awesome responsibility...and while it is sort of like that in my Daddy's kingdom, He also is the King who is merciful and is quite willing to extend that hand of grace, even when we are not deserving.
See this Kingdom thing is really big.  There are many who are part of this royal family.  There is me and believe it or not there is you.  We are all invited and adopted in...isn't that amazing?
I believe that He is calling His Sons and Daughters to stand up and be proud of Who He is, to represent and demonstrate the Love that He has for all, and to let those who don't know that they too can truly become royalty along with the rest of us. 
He is our King, and we are His Sons and Daughters.
1 John 3:1

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

 

Romans 8:17

 

¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

 

There are many more scriptures that support this...

 

So today do you feel like royalty...From now on I think I really do...Am I full of myself, nope! I am just confident enough to know who my Daddy is, and He is a King, and because of that I am truly a princess...See you soon.

For Better or Worse and All That...

Welcome to Traces Space...For better or worse, in sickness and in health until death do us part...the vow.  What is this thing that we signed up for? Don't be frightened folks...this space isn't full of negativity here...I just feel like we enter into marriage full of expectations that, well, read on...
I think often about the day I married Mike...It was full of excitement and a whole lot of emotion.  We were both very young and very immature.  All we knew was that we wanted the promise of a lifetime, and in the midst of that promise I am sure we did not anticipate the "life" that would come our way.
We both have very needy personalities, and in this almost thirty year ride those personalities have some times caused conflict.  The first conflict involved the game of Monopoly.  Mike is a "real" rule player, there is no room for adjustments to the rules...they are what they are.  Now I am not quite wired that way, I am all about playing games by the rules that have been established by the game players, and the one particular rule that I always played by in this game was when you landed on free parking you got all of the money in the middle of the board.  This is not, I repeat, not a rule in monopoly.  Hence forth a very heated debate.  How stupid, we were really fighting about Monopoly.
Over the years we have had a lot of "heated" debates, you know from finances, children to whether or not it is a good idea to buy bass guitars or shoes...But what ever the debate may have been over or how heated it became we somehow have been able to get over it.  I don't believe there has been something said in the heat of anger that couldn't be worked out between us.
I will be the first person to say that its not perfect and thank YOU Jesus its not.  See I believe just as in our own personal character building, the marriage life building develops character by how you live through the "life" that comes your way.   We are responsible for our response, and we can either let the stuff control us or look at the stuff see if we can fix it, or just live through it and when its over simply say, "whew".
I love this man with every part of my being.  I also believe that his being in my life was of divine appointment.  My life was spinning out of control and this young caring man looked beyond the garbage in my heart and and loved me anyway.  I have not always been kind, I have been controlling, down right ugly, but he loves me anyway.
We have faced being broke, death, illness, the stuff that most folks do and in the midst of all of that we have not only found a stronger willingness to keep the vow, but to make new ones.  To dedicate our lives to serving God not just as individuals but as a couple.
Is this what we signed up for? At the beginning, no.  We had no idea, again all we knew was the excitement of being in love and well not really worrying about anything else.  But now it is and so much more.  The promise of a lifetime is now filled with joy, hope and most of all love.
Ruth 1:16 Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. ¹⁷ Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”
Yes...Where he goes I will go...His God will be mine...
So, for better or worse and all that goes a long with it.
See you soon

It is what it is...

Welcome to Traces space...It is what it is.  It is a phrase that seems to come from my mouth more these days than ever.  Is it where I am in life, my age, or is it actually one of those things that has been on my heart for years but God is using something as simple of a phrase to help me in my quest to kind of just get some of what life is throwing my way?
I have found myself for a few years simply throwing this phrase around like I really mean it, but recently it has found itself finding meaning of its own in my life.
Sometimes we find ourselves living in moments that we just can't understand, and it may not even be a moment that is horrible, it is just a life kind of thing...A long line at the grocery store, a traffic jam, a day at work that we think will never end. And in each of those situations we find ourselves so caught up in the moment that we might actually miss something that "is" and that God may be trying to reveal Himself in.
It is what it is isn't a bad thing.  Ok, I have come to that conclusion after years of believing that wherever we are in life sometimes is our "lot"...its not that at all. 
As we grow in who God is and Who God is in us, we find ourselves in a whole lot of it is moments, and in that growth/maturity, we learn to adjust ourselves to the time we spend there.  The idea is to simply live through it or in it until it is time to move through it or over it or what ever the greater plan may be.
Its a good place to lose yourself in prayer, to pray that He show you that which you really need to see or hear while you are there.
God is everywhere in every situation, even when we think He isn't.  His desire is that we seek Him at all times, and that we are always will to praise and worship no matter what.
Psalm 40:17

¹⁷ My Lord, I am only a poor, helpless man,
    but please pay attention to me.
You are my helper, the one who can save me.
    My God, don’t be too late

Even when we feel poor and broken in our "it is" moment...He is our Helper and our deliverer.  He lends His ear to us and listens when we call upon His name.

Be encouraged...It is what it is, isn't forever.  Have faith, lift up your head...for you shall over come!

See you soon...

This Is The House That Tracy Built

Welcome to Traces Space....Yesterday I had a flashback moment.  Mike and I were out and about and as we came back towards home we passed a house that I always had my eye on...It was a dump back in the day, it had been abandoned and really looked as if no one would ever care for it.  I use to say to everyone on the school bus as we drove past this particular house, that's my dream house, I want to buy it and fix it...Something about that house caught my eye, even as a teenager.
As the years went by the house remained empty and unkept.  Finally someone purchased it and saw potential in this house.  The buyer totally refaced the outside, new windows, sandblasted the brick...new doors...took something that was ugly, appeared to be falling down and made it new...
Isn't that what God does with us? whether we are a work in progress, or we have somehow found ourselves being forgotten or unwanted, left to fall apart.
2 Corinthians 5 

[ Awaiting the New Body ] For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. ...

This physical body is not our forever home...This place that our soul and our spirit reside in is not the place that it will remain for all eternity. That is hope.  In that we recognize that no matter how broken or ruined we become, this isn't forever.  We do not have to rely on ourselves to make it through, that this a new body created by God Himself awaits us.  In that dwelling place there will be no more pain, no more death, no more tears, no more of the brokenness that this earth has for us.

While we are here, it is our responsibility to take care of our houses, our temples that God has provided for us, by staying healthy and being in communion with each other.  We can not take what God has provided for granted and we can not abuse it either.  So we are charged with taking care of it and  taking care of the potential that each and everyone of us has.
See the appearance on the outside isn't always what its all about...You truly can not judge a book by its cover.
So this old wrinkled version of Tracy is in need of repair.  But I have potential.  I can get myself physically fit as well as spiritually fit, and it is my responsibility to take on the challenge of "home" improvement.  As it is with each one of us.
This is the house that I have built here on this earth, and I need to own it...I do not always want to be the fixer-upper.  See like that house, God has come along in order to show us what needs to be fixed, what needs to be done until we can dwell with Him forever.
Today I pray that each one of us recognize our responsibility, but also that we see the hope that we are not living in our forever home.  That we are a work in progress, just in need of repair...
See you soon.

The Bird Is Not The Word

Welcome to Traces Space...
So since the beginning of the New Year I have been trying very hard to immerse myself in the Word.  I have a really difficult time focusing and am very easily distracted, so I decided the best plan for me was to do weekly devotionals, no pressure...Well at least I thought the pressure would be off.
Every study over the past couple of weeks has lead to some new challenge in my rather interesting walk.  One in particular though struck a cord, "One Word That Will Change Your Life".  Yes one word...this study which was only five days encourages you to seek God and find one word that you can focus on for the entire year that will change you.
So needless to say I became a woman of few words when meditating on what it might be that God was trying to tell me, then like a slap in the face it came to me, the word, and the word was "response".
In every area of my life this is the one thing that I really struggle with.  I struggle with body language, facial expressions, words...all of it.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve, good or bad.  There really is never a mystery on how I am feeling and some times transparency is not a good thing.
Now I don't believe you should lie about how you feel, but also there are times you need to harness your feelings and well process them before you react, especially if you have grown weary, or frustrated in the said situation.
I could write a novel these days on the things that irritate my soul, but I am sure if you are reading this you already know, so that would be senseless.  It seems as if I have come to this place where I feel that everyone needs to know of my dissatisfaction with life and family and God and well... you get the idea.  The grating on my every emotion is becoming exhausting.
So here we go, response.
So I believe that God wants to take care of it.
So what is the plan?  First of all I need to accept that this is the word for me.  That I do because it is causing me great stress, I recognize this monster for what it is.  I also have to accept that there is a whole lot of ugliness in me that is going to be revealed, and also that I am going to have to be able to just let a whole lot of stuff go.  I have to learn to also accept that I am not responsible for the actions of others and in reality I can't control those actions and well folks really don't want me to.  I will also have to learn that when people are joking about life here at my house that I can't change who I live with and or what they do, its not my job...well in a whole lot of areas its not my job.
I can't fix nobody but MYSELF.
I have to leave the past in the past, and pray a whole lot that the future is going to get better.  I can not allow the things that have already happened define the "response" to the things yet to be.
And finally I have to let go and really let God.  For the first time I have to fully surrender to Him because this isn't going to be easy, this is a change of my entire being.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
So I challenge you...explore your spirit and soul and search and seek your "word".  I honestly believe it could be life changing.
See you soon!